someone at google is judging me.

Dec 13, 2011

im going to make a bold move here, but for the sake of writing- i am going to share some of the things i google searched today….oh lord here we go.

  • snooki skinny pics 2011

  • quinine glow in the dark

  • lindsay lohan ribcage tattoo

  • dean and deluca gift baskets

  • how long is yogurt good for after the expiration day? (JUDGE ME!!!)

  • best extensions nyc

  • kim kardashian reggie bush pics

today was pretty mild actually. probably because i dont have any strange symptoms and also because i checked my laptop search history and not my iphones….that would be a whole other story.

google is amazing. in fact, i cant remember life before any question couldn’t be answered with “just google it”. in fact, i cant remember not knowing something for more than say….30 seconds? HOW DID WE EVER WRITE PAPERS?!?!

but i have one major concern…what if someone is watching my google behavior? i mean i know that google TECHNICALLY monitors our behavior because it uses contextual advertising, but i mean what if a human being was sitting there with a bag of chips just watching us losers google our lives.

“hey fred, remember the girl who googled “how to make grilled cheese?” last week? she just googled “can i get pregnant in a hot tub?” hahahahahaha”

im pretty sure my google search history holds all of my deepest darkest secrets. i mean i share things with google that i wouldnt tell my best friend. because my best friend would judge me, but google wont.

you know those nights when your back hurts and you think you might have a fever so so you decide to google it? and before you know it you are sure you have malaria and then you realize youve been googling for 2 hours and now youre reading an article about the food coloring used in doritos. if someone at google decided to watch my search behavior theyd 1.) think im am absolute NUT JOB 2.) think im a 40 year old mother of 3 3.) realize i have the attention span of a squirrel.

Here are just a few of my favorite GOOGLE PHENOMENONS:

  1. the great comfort you feel when you type your question into the search box and you see that someone has already asked the same question!!! phew, im not a weirdo!!

  2. no matter what your symptoms are,if you google them you will find that its a symptom of pregnancy. “pain in ankle…common symptom of early pregnancy”

  3. googling words just to see if youre spelling them right

on that note, i think im going to go clear my search history.

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