things i've learned from babysitting.

I don’t have any children yet (other than my two beautiful puppies, who are, in fact, my children), but I have a little bit of experience with babies. I spend roughly 25 hours a week with little kids, which isn’t that much time, but it’s enough time to pick up a little bit of knowledge that I will hold on to until I have children of my own.

WD-40 the shit out of the baby’s bedroom door. Putting a baby to sleep is an art, and after 45 minutes of rocking, walking, singing, and bouncing you’re ready to go to sleep yourself. I literally crawled out of the baby’s room last week on all fours in order to avoid the creaky floors. When I got to the door to shut it so his sister wouldn’t wake him up it creaked…waking up the baby. I almost started crying with him.

Babies and men are very similar. 1.) Loud sounds and bright lights will keep them entertained for hours 2.) If you boost their ego you can get them to do anything. “Will you be a big girl and pick up your toys? You’re such a big girl!!” “Hunnie, you’re SO strong, can you carry this for me?” BOOM DONE. 3.) They both love boobies.

If you have a small child in your house there is no need to invest in alarm system. Just leave their toys everywhere. It is LITERALLY impossible to step two feet in a house with toddlers without setting off some sort of singing toy. You can’t touch anything without something starting to sing the ABC’s to you. I swear some of these toys are possessed, you can be in the other room and suddenly the itsy bitsy spider starts playing.

You become desensitized to watching the same episode or singing the same song 15 or 20 times in a row. You would be amazed at how many times you can watch an episode of Dora the Explorer if it’s keeping the kids entertained. You actually start to pick up on things you missed the first 12 times. Also, you’re going to say “When I have kids, they won’t watch TV” HAHAHAHAHAHA I laugh at your naivety. I used to say that all the time, and then I saw how memorizing Elmo is. SILENCE for HOURS.

Babies gravitate towards sharp corners and danger. The whole entire room can be baby proofed, except for one table, and you better believe that baby is going to crawl over to it and smash it’s head against it, just because. I totally understand baby leashes now, and I will no longer judge those who use them.

Children make you act ridiculous all the time. You start to singing about everything, “we’re taking a bathhhhhh, we’re taking a bathhhhhh!!!” “Someone’s got a pooopy diapeyyyyyy. WHOSE GOT A POOPY DIAPEY!?!?”. You play games that make no sense. In public. You have serious conversations about Big Bird wanted a cracker in his tummy. I read the same story 12 times (not an exaggeration) in 12 different voices with my twin girls and we laughed and laughed and laughed. Watch this video for what I mean.

I’m not going to lie, the time I spend babysitting is usually my favorite time of the day. It’s absolutely ridiculous and challenging, but it’s the coolest thing ever to watch little kids learn and grow. And these aren’t even MY kids. I learn something new everyday, I’ll be sure to share the knowledge.