if you can, stay in college FOREVER.

Aug 22, 2012

I GRADUATED IN MAY! (that is a sad exclamation NOT an enthusiastic one) i know, the saddest news you’ve ever heard, right? instead of sleeping in until 1:30 and getting drunk for school functions, and binge eating at 3 am, my life now consists of commutes, laundry and bills. a SHIT TON of bills, and 401ks and taxes…it’s like a nightmare, except it’s real and it’s not going to be over anytime in the foreseeable future.

i’m in a serious bout of depression and the only way i can think to cope is to blog about how amazing my life was up until a few months ago. oh the golden days… here are some suggestions for those of you who are still in college. i didn’t take full of advantage of all these things, so PLEASE PLEASE for the love of God learn from my mistakes…

  1. commitment schamitment. i can’t think of one single thing you should stay committed to in college (except your friends and your netflix account). boyfriends, schools, jobs, majors- don’t tie yourself down. this is your last chance ever to be flaky and make poor decisions with minimal consequences. trust me, once you get out in the real world the free spirit shit doesn’t fly and there’s a freakin contract for everything.

  2. drink as much as you physically can. i think there’s a switch God flips the day after you graduate, or maybe the year long bender that is known as senior year completely killed our livers- but after college you just can’t drink like you used to. you get hangovers, and you’re achey and on top of that you can’t drink during the week because you have to wake up at 6 am to go to work…so you can pay your bills…that leave you with no money left for drinking………JUST KEEP DRINKING NOW!

  3. wear sweats every. single. day. once you go to work you have to wear grown up clothes every day. for the first week or so it’s really exciting. it’s like playing house when you’re little, “oh look im so grown up in my button down!” but after a few days it gets REAL old having to iron every night and tucking in your shirts. you quickly realize grown up clothes are uncomfortable, frumpy, and expensive. do you know what i’d do to walk around in leggings,a hoodie and my ugg moccasins all day? 

  4. act immature and do stupid things. everyone expects ridiculous behavior from you- you’re in college and everyone thinks your life is just like animal house- SO DON’T DISAPPOINT! as soon as you graduate people start expecting you to grow up. they want you to be on time for things and not get drunk at corporate functions and shit. it’s a real pain in the ass and just a buzz kill in general. falling out of a moving cab, 3 story funnels, and wearing lime green spandex in public is only acceptable in college, take advantage.

  5. if you’re going to school to get your MRS, give up now. trust me, there are no suitable men in college (possible the world). i think they all migrated, or died out. don’t waste your time trying to find a husband. enjoy the fact that you don’t have a man to deal with, they’re a pain in the ass anyways. use this time to become a boss bitch. as a general rule- do not keep a boy longer than your pedicure lasts. you have your whole life to settle down and be miserable, don’t rush it.

  6. do everything. go on that random road trip with your roommates, take that tequila shot even if it’s one too many, give that kinda cute geeky kid a go, streak at civ scream. even if it sucks- it’ll be a great story one day.

enjoy college, and take LOTS of pictures. it’ll be over faster than you know, and the real world SUCKS.

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